| September 19th, 2004 |
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As you know I made a new journal and added you all to it. If I forgot anyone please let me know. One person was left off my new friend's only journal. So why the new journal and why is it friend's only? I will further explain now.
Unlike the Josh situation where we didn't care for contact ever again I know that my ex best friend will want to talk to me someday and she will want to know how I am doing. I don't want her knowing how I am doing as punishment for how she hurt me. She is no longer in my life. If I ever get married she is not going to be the maid of honor like promised so many years ago and she will not even be invited or notified. If I ever have children she will never see them and not be a part of their lives. Harsh? Probably so but I have been hurt too much by Jessica and I just don't have much sanity left to be hurt again. So what you may ask happed? It all started a week ago at a concert.
Kevin was announing Once Over last Saturday and got us free tickets to see the show and the cool new break in his career. So in support of him we attended the concert up in Ann Arbor Michigan. Jess had planned to have a date with her(Nate my old crummy co-worker) Had Nate came things might be different now. I will never know.
Kevin invited his friend Matt(whom he's known for many years) along and Matt took a liking to Jessica right away. At first Jess was like "Who is this creep hitting on me?" Then she decided it would be fun to get him to desire her so that she did. And after the concert was over she found herself desiring him as well and before we went home tey parted with many kisses. I was very happy she'd met a guy that was ok(so I thought) because any friend of Kevin's is a friend of mine. But then things started getting weird.
Tuesday I called her up to see how she was doing and she said Matt and her could come over to watch a movie. Well, I don't have a TV so I said Matt would have to supply the enetertainment which Matt said wouldn't be a problem. He brought his TV over and a retro Molly Ringwold movie over and we began to watch it. 15 minutes into the movie Matt declared he did not feel well and would have to take Jessica home and go home himself. He got up very quickly and left like the devil himself was upon him. He left so freakin quick I stood in my drive way waving for them to come back because he'd left a bag behind with his videos and some papers in them.
Jessica has seemed mad that he left early and we had arranged that I'd call her later that evening. I did but she wasn't home and her grandpa flipped out on me that she wasn't at my house and was alone with this guy he'd never met. So I called Kevin to get Matt's phone number. Now keep this important note in mind. I called Matt from my cellphone so he didn't at the time know my house phone at all! Matt picked up the phone and said Jess was busy but he could giver her a message. I told him she was in trouble at home. I asked why I couldn't speak with her and he got all weird on me and hung up.
Concerned I called Kevin. Kevin called Matt and once again Matt wouldn't let Jess talk on the phone. Matt told Kevin that Jess was in a deep and very important conversation with him.
On wed night while I was at work I was very bummed out and not feeling well and needed to talk to Jess so I called her. Her grandpa answered the phone.
"Jess phones for you!!!!!!!!!! No I will not lie and tell her your not here get the phone!"(I overheard this in the background).
She then curtly answered the phone and told me she had tons of homework to do(she never ever seemed to worry about her homework before seeing as this is her second attempt at senior year so I wasn't buying it. Hadn't I heard what her grandpa had said my alerts wouldn't have been raised at all.
Friday comes around and I try calling Jess repeatedly only nobody answers the phone. Suddenly I get a call on MY HOME PHONE(remember what I said earlier) from Matt asking if he could come get the bag I left. I didn't think how he got my home number then but suddenly had the impulse to call Jess again. Her grandpa answered and said "She's not here she's with that guy."
Aha! So Matt comes to get the bag and instead of seeing Jess I see no one in the car. Joey was spying through the side window and swore he saw her in the backseat plus she had to have been hiding in the backseat because Matt could only have gotten my home number from her since we are not listed. So worried as to why in the hell my best friend had to hide in a backseat from me I cried on Joey's shoulder and called Beth and cried.
I waited patiently for Kevin to get home and then Kevin called Matt and tried to find out what was going on. I expected Matt to definately say something to Kevin since I'd gone off on Matt earlier but everytime Kevin tried to talk about Jess Kevin changed the subject.
They must have though Kevin and I were stupid or something if they thought they could hide behind false excuses. You forgot Jess that Kevin is quite older than you and knows about your teen crap drama. So Kevin vowed to me he'd get some sort of answer from Matt the next day.
I went to sleep that night perplexed as ever. At 1 am I get a call from kevin and he reads me this(which he found in Jess's new online journal for she'd deleted the older one)http://www.greatestjournal.com/users/walkncntrdcti0n/ Here is the link.
It's pretty crummy when someone you've known almost all your life can't call you up on the phone or can't even email you but has to publicaly display this. I cried for two days over this and have come to this realization.
Despite the fond memories Jessica has grown into somebody I don't recognize. A coward, selfish, shallow, and blind to anybody but her self and anyone could please her. Instead of growing up she is growing down and I am trying to grow up. Take responsibility got my past and make something of myself. So if she wants to waste many years of valuable friendship over a guy who wont let her talk to her guy friend's out of jealousy and whom she's only known a week than fine. I do wish her the best of happiness. I don't have that need to see her in pain like I did with Josh. There is more hurt than anger. I hope she has a happy life but I refuse to let her back into it.
I've been hurt to much by her and others and I am a fool if I let mentally abusive people into my life. I'd rather be beaten with a cane than let her emotional do this to me ever again. So goodbye to my lifelong friend and may we both meet new and better ones along the way.
They say a season, a reason, and a lifetime. I was hoping Jess would fall into the lifetime category but instead I'm finding it to be the reason one. As for the exact reason I am not sure of yet but someday maybe I'll discover it.Current Mood:  tired |
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